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birthing our story

birthing our story

today i am feeling the promise of this new year much stronger than i have felt it during the actual new year holiday. i awoke with an invigorated heart, basking in the truth that NOTHING is impossible. things that i have believed would or could never happen for me was...
straw woman

straw woman

i had a vision this morning while walking our dogs in the rain. i pictured myself as a straw man (or woman rather), standing with arms out wide in an open field of wheat. a skilled archer stood at the other end of the field, bow boldly arched and pointed...
spinning world

spinning world

i awoke today to stories of an out of control world where the ‘system’ seems to be winning, and the human soul losing. oh my soul! such anguish overtakes the people, riddled with anxiety and despair for things are not as they appear to the public eye! what to do...
planting seeds

planting seeds

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” -Byron Katie, The Work my...
dreams for sale

dreams for sale

someone wanted to buy my dream today. i’ve spent the past two years with content (that I know without a doubt that was downloaded divinely to me) just rolling around mostly in my brain. to be fair, i do have a few chapters that have made it down in written...
love letter to my soul

love letter to my soul

dear soul you work so hard for your survival let alone your thriving. your daily attempts to let not your passions be extinguished, these dripping desires from your being that you have embodied since your initial spark. you often feel as if you lose your way in this life of...
divine atmosphere

divine atmosphere

“cultivate silence. God speaks in silences. Listen quietly. sometimes you may get no message. meet thus all the same. you will absorb an atmosphere.” -God Calling (A.J. Russell) hot cup of licorice tea and rain gently pounds the patio outside as i write. faux candles illuminated, pen poised and leather...
love wins

love wins

charlotte was anything but beautiful. at least in the according to typical western american standards. with closely shaved ethnic hair, drool running from her mouth and eyes rolled back into her head while bobbing around in her wheelchair, Victor, also mentally challenged and wheelchair bound, kept complimenting her on how...
a noble calling

a noble calling

“do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world , but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” -Romans 12:2 twice yesterday was this verse brought into my presence, so any time i see a pattern i perk up and ay attention. i always try to ‘theme’...
the sacred place of struggle

the sacred place of struggle

cradling our two tea cups last week while meeting for a new year’s visit, my friend robin said something that stuck with me and can’t be shaken from my head. we shared our struggles, disappointments, victories and joys. she then mentioned what a shame it almost is to leave those...
steady feet

steady feet

grace and mercy. grace and mercy. what a theme this has been for me the past year and a half. as this 2016 year comes to an ending, i cannot help but fall down upon my knees in reverent gratitude for the wonders and miracle workings i have seen time...
a new lens

a new lens

“And then one day you realize that if you want to be rich, you’d have to give away almost everything you own.” ― Kamand Kojouri there are two things i find particularly disturbing this past week. the first one is how much stuff i have, even when i had pared...
Feet off the ground

Feet off the ground

drifting off to sleep last night, i was vividly taken back to a time where i was around 8 or 9 years old. i was riding my beloved pink schwinn bicycle down our street, it’s familiar details of the white rubber grips on the handlebars standing out in particular to...
amazing grace

amazing grace

as fear invades, creativity seems to be the first thing to leave motivation fades and dreams are the very last thing on our minds, surviving is now the name of the game, let’s just try to make it to the end of another day… our plans, goals and desires get...
shame

shame

“Grace transforms our failings full of dread into abundant, endless comfort … our failings full of shame into a noble, glorious rising … our dying full of sorrow into holy, blissful life. …. Just as our contrariness here on earth brings us pain, shame and sorrow, so grace brings us...
the watchtower

the watchtower

There was a choice yesterday- to open my door to the Jehovah’s witnesses going door to door in our new neighborhood, or hide in the hallway that I had just entered and wait for them to leave. sadly, the latter choice seems to be my standard reaction when things like...
wrestling with joy

wrestling with joy

i have realized that i don’t write to get answers, i write to become. to experience. to taste. to watch. to process. to look back in recognition of what god has done, often forgotten as i turn to begin a new page in my notebook. had these years of stories...
free

free

why, oh soul, do you act like a ship without a captain at the helm? as if the large vessel that you are could direct your life through the calms and storms of life all on your own? the invitation from the captain is to climb aboard and let go!...
tasting dust

tasting dust

while driving on the highway awhile back, two pure white doves flew across my path, against the wind and right over the chaotic cars racing down below. these gorgeous beings seemed to fly right by my windshield almost in slow motion, not too far above the traffic level. it caught...
infusion

infusion

every breath, every step ordained by you who is above all circumstances, all situations, all fear and all trouble. why oh why do i let my soul be troubled when i see before my very own eyes the streams in the wasteland forming all around me my feet standing upon...
chasing down the demons

chasing down the demons

this fight is so real. even though i believe it’s really all one giant collective dream we are participating in, the ‘realness’ couldn’t be any more tangible at times, so much so that i can all but grasp and taste it on my bittered lips. this morning has been a...
Fighter, pilgrim, warrior

Fighter, pilgrim, warrior

brave one: you are one of the few who chose this narrow path of obstacles and affliction. pilgrim: your journey twists and turns unforseen, a labyrinth of blessings and perceived curses, of both blue skies and raging seas. warrior: war on! keep the chin up and eyes steadfast on me...
7 words

7 words

i should be further along by now. in my career, in the making of my dreams a reality. with writing this book that i have been gifted all of the pieces of, but have to fully arrange them into finished work. almost 11 years of marriage and never in my...
native spirit

native spirit

oh native spirit wild soul passion is a must. throw off the dirt that binds you to this earth lift your eyes up from this filth, this dust pile you are laying in look up! look up! abounding peace, love and provision a promised land filled overflowing with milk and...
Permission

Permission

you are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress, simultaneously. stumbling upon this quote awhile back brought great illumination to a process i often get discouraged by. how blessed my soul becomes by the truth spoken in this thought! isn’t this permission the most comforting thing...
dear people who think they know me:

dear people who think they know me:

dear everyone who think you really know me: i do not know it ‘all’ by any stretch, but i do have some educated opinions about some things! yesterday there were a few different conversations that occurred throughout my day that bothered me. when i tried to give my opinion on...
writing myself whole

writing myself whole

there has been an open tab on my computer now for over 9 months. it is an insightful podcast session that my husband Justin stumbled upon and passed my way, of which i had listened to the first 10 minutes months back when i first received this. Although what little...
love at the 11th hour

love at the 11th hour

Have you ever had that ’11th hour’ experience? That moment where literally, JUST in the nick of time something pulls together for you when you thought all hope was lost? well, i’m finding myself that residing in this space. over and over and over. for years now. sometimes (and more...
Absorbing the divine

Absorbing the divine

absorbing the divine. infusion into the deepest of depths. into every cell, tissue, sinew and bone, pulsing through my veins. does this not sound like the most lovely marinade of all? to truly absorb God, making this the place where my heart flees to find refuge, away from myself and...
A warrior's evening prayer

A warrior’s evening prayer

o tired and weary warrior on the battlefields of life sleep tonight in complete peace. you’ve been charging ahead often feeling guilty about taking breaks to relax, labeling yourself as lazy or slacking, undeserving of the utmost important part of life- REST!!!!!! learn the art of resting. learn to rest...
self censorship

self censorship

I’ve realized for quite some time now just how much stress i hold in my body. Take right now for example: even in a barely awake, fresh out of bed relaxed state, i feel myself tightly holding my stomach in, like I am preparing for some sort of battle! I...
ashes and wings

ashes and wings

the ‘right timing’ cannot be UNTIL the time it happens. the right time IS the right time of it’s unfolding. it cannot be anything else. this i am coming to an understanding in. the clock of the most divine is most certainly not my linear time frame of how I...
Soul Food

Soul Food

soul: n. the spiritual or immaterial part of a human being or animal, regarded as immortal food: n. the material that people and animals eat: material containing carbohydrates, fats, proteins, and supplements (as minerals and vitamins) that is taken in and used in the living body for growth and repair...
Ode to the soul

Ode to the soul

Ode to my soul I’m often so hard on you. Yet you show up again and again, showing unknown parts of myself to me softening even my own harshness surprising my depths with the level of continuing compassion you hold. inside of me is an angry shell oh soul even...
evening reminder

evening reminder

you might often forget this, but make no mistake: I am FOR you! I think you are the most beautiful creature I have ever rested my eyes upon. you get caught up in the human way of thinking and perceiving…these are not my ways. when you believe i am there...
Soujourn prayer

Soujourn prayer

my hope is in you who rules with love an iron scepter of grace unbreakable love for all humanity how can the soul know such mysteries? will more be revealed in time or will we be forced to wander blindfolded- the blind leading the blind guess after guess at what’s...
The Four Winds

The Four Winds

o four winds! o four corners! i cry out for you to make yourself known! the mysteries you hold, the keys you may be to unlock the hidden doors inside of me… come rush over me like a raging current over a jagged rock smoothing me with each passing day...
Cobra's Message

Cobra’s Message

Last month was a flare up with my health challenges. And I mean BAD. I’ve been going along at such a mildly steady but slow pace in the journey of my digestion healing and then this hit me right out of left field, completely leveling me. The duration was a...
The Hybrid People

The Hybrid People

hybrid people. The emerging tribe of true spirit seekers. Those that are finding their way away from ‘religion’ and spiraling upward toward authentic connection with God. I place myself amongst them, as I believe we are pure in our desires to connect with the Divine, as the judgements placed on...
The Battlefield

The Battlefield

This battle of continually letting go is a true hero’s journey, which will pass right over the weak or faint of heart, searching out only warriors that have given their life for the cause. In this case, my cause is freedom. From the voices in my head telling me things...
Enduring words

Enduring words

Thanks to the inspirational life of a very dear friend, I have reacquainted with beloved needle and thread for some good old fashioned hand stitching of garments. Like most things, I needed a little direction at the beginning, so I asked her expert opinion as to what stitch would be...
Latest entries
God's secret weapon

God’s secret weapon

“Before I was born the Lord called me, from my birth he has made mention of my name. He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me: he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver.” Isaiah 49:1-2 randomly, or not so randomly,...
great expectations

great expectations

a few years back i began taking to the hills to a lovely hermitage cottage, either solo or with a couple of dear friends. i just returned yesterday afternoon from a solo venture, where i read, wrote, lingered with endless cups of tea and deep ponderings about spirit and soul. i received a few answers...
the way of the heart

the way of the heart

picked up a worn and dogeared copy of Henri Nouwen’s The Way Of The Heart at the used bookstore, which is the perfect little companion for preparing my mind for a solitude retreat i’ve decided to embark on this coming week. Nouwen recounts the story told about Abba Arsenius, a well educated Roman centuries ago,...
the flaw

the flaw

my friend Robin and I both love listening to a particular teacher, both online and live at conferences. he offers much grace and freedom in his observations about God and divine living. i often walk away refreshed with new perspective and fuel for my soul to keep going strong. on a walk in the hills...
set apart

set apart

today’s Streams in the Desert suggests, “in the shadow-each of us must go there sometimes…But fear not! it is the shadow of God’s hand. He is leading you, but there are lessons that can only be learned where He leads. The photograph of His face can only be developed in the dark room.” -L.B. Cowman,...
deeper still

deeper still

it’s nothing short of amazing how much changes in a year. i happened upon an writing entry in my journal from a year ago dated february 9, 2016. what astonishes me is that we are in such a breathable space this time for the first time in our whole marriage, which is going on twelve...
ALL in

ALL in

i vividly remember the scene: we were in the living room of our old apartment, creaky old wood floors and the sound of arguing downstairs neighbors wafting up through the window to our second story abode. a dear friend of many years accompanied us over glasses of red wine and life altering conversation. Justin had...
God is not safe

God is not safe

“Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion.” “Ooh” said Susan. “I’d thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion”…”Safe?” said Mr Beaver …”Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.” ― C.S. Lewis, The...
Sacred Totem

Sacred Totem

“A totem is a spirit being, sacred object, or symbol of a tribe, clan, family or individual. Native American tradition provides that each person is connected with nine different animals that will accompany him or her through life, acting as guides.” legendsofamerica.com 9 different animals. so far mine all seem to be birds. feathered beautiful...
O Fluttering Heart

O Fluttering Heart

O fluttering heart O impatient wings- REST! just rest. The stirring you feel is often one of anxiety and distress, not contented peace- THAT kind of movement is not the kind you are called to- but rather, ‘active UNmovement’ when your work is done from a place of complete rest- your life like a chess...
The Great Scribble

The Great Scribble

The Great Scribble. most picture life in the future as a straight line a linear arrow pointed directly toward a self made bullseye they believe they will hit by drawing back the arched bow and releasing, the attempt of the red target the pat on the shoulder for ‘arriving’ at the destination unbloodied. SAFELY. with...
Rebirthday

Rebirthday

Rumi is known to have said, “There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the ground. There are a thousand ways to go home again.” There are a thousand things to be grateful for and a thousand ways to celebrate living- to welcome in the abundance of the harvest season. Bringing in ritual and...