the ‘right timing’ cannot be UNTIL the time it happens. the right time IS the right time of it’s unfolding. it cannot be anything else. this i am coming to an understanding in.

the clock of the most divine is most certainly not my linear time frame of how I would have things mapped out, the dots on the line marking both setbacks and victories upon a perfectly balanced scale through my own eyes. No! this cannot be the way.

i had felt ready to marry long before my husband felt ready…that was clearly not the time.
i’ve had books burning in me to be written for years now, but if they had been written in those years, they would not have been the ones that were needed to be birthed. From creating, moving locations with home and career, the healing of my body, forgiving those who have wounded me deeply…all of these could never have been understood in ‘my’ timing. It made no sense, but only in retrospect can i see the pieces falling ever so gently into exact places they belonged all along.

The phoenix- the mythical, gorgeous bird of the Arabian desert, who, after centuries decided to cast herself upon a funeral pyre and then rise from the ashes, renewed and ready to go through another cycle from this magical rebirth, deriving power from the knowledge of this new, brave sense of self and what one is capable of overcoming. The shedding of the old, worn out skin, so that the new can come alive, like dry bones dancing. The unimaginable process of stepping through the realm of the impossible.

This phoenixing process- the birth, death, rebirth cycle of throwing oneself into the blazing inferno, the attempting to emerge from smoke and ash. Death lingers everywhere, yet there is not a true sense of ending but rather of a beginning. Where is this glory that you anticipated oh Phoenix? As you make your way blindly through the soot marked with shame, ash streaking your tear soaked cheeks, the streams of light become so bright you are forced to open your eyes! You gain confidence with each small step forward, one foot in front of the other. A trot begins, then a fluttering of wings, which shake off the ashes. Follow the ascent! Oh the beautiful ascent! Sunlight streams envelope you into a golden orb, completely wrapped with life- and life anew!

Oh Phoenix, you glance back and begin to understand. the perfect way. the most excellent plan that lay awaiting you until the time was right. It has carried you out of your grief into fullness and breathing with invigorated lungs that only freshly created beings can imagine! You would render yourself useless had you not undertaken the necessary steps, the stages you signed up for. This renewal process would have been stunted, this glorious free creature now able to soar to heights never before known.

Looking back down, the pile of dead, grey ash serve only as a reminder of the process- not the end result.

beauty from ashes,
taking flight,
clipped wings grow again…