i had a vision this morning while walking our dogs in the rain.
i pictured myself as a straw man (or woman rather), standing with arms out wide in an open field of wheat.
a skilled archer stood at the other end of the field, bow boldly arched and pointed with precision in my direction.
defining moments of my life both large and small flashed through my mind, like a movie on a reel. i observed them from this distance of my side of this field, very aware of the archer at all times.
the day i found out my fiance was a child molester.
WHIZ….fiery arrow straight to the heart.
the time i faced such chronic illness and wasn’t able to keep my job at the salon due to the toxic load in my body. i handed over my clients of 16 years to my ‘friend’ who robbed me blind of my portion of our deal, excusing it by telling me that i seemed ‘able bodied’ enough to make money elsewhere and that she was ‘a single mom’ who needed it more than i did.
OUCH. arrow like dart deep into my back.
when we loved our work of creating inspirational content to encourage the world, and our life’s work did not love us back. being so poor that we lived off of smoothies and needed a banana to make things stretch a bit. upon ringing up my banana purchase, my debit card was declined.
for a banana!
i walked through the neighborhood park on my way home, searching for lost change in order to be able to make the purchase.
ZING. arrow landed between my eyes, where it hurt most to look at the life i was living.
the time my bank account was levied as i couldn’t pay my back taxes payment plan. the horrendous year of thousands of dollars in overdraft fees. not having enough gas to drive a few blocks, so walking became a must, not an option.
UGH. arrows all over my bruised body.
so vivid were these arrows in this vision, and i looked like a human pincushion as scenario after scenario arose to the forefront of my mind.
the truth of it all though is that i was still standing!
arrows sticking out left and right, i was an upright voodoo doll who could take more hits than imaginable, even deriving power from them in ways i still can’t wrap my mind around.
last night, i was filling out some reflection questions in my dreambook life planner, asked to answer these questions as if it were 3 years in the future, projecting that my life had already become the way i was writing about. answering the questions ‘as if’ they were already a reality.
one question asked me, ‘what percentage of your waking life do you feel happy’?
since i seem to most equate happiness to life without struggle, i almost answered 100%.
then i was quickly reminded of the power of these arrows hitting my life and quickly changed my answer to 75%.
i chose 75% because who doesn’t want to be about 75% happy in life? however, i still wanted the remaining 25% to keep me grounded and relatable to others through the gauntlet of life’s narrow escapes and teachings. they also keep me pressed into the palm of God and my focus remains clearer when things are anything but ‘perfect’.
thank you straw woman for showing up as such a powerful teacher this morning.