drifting off to sleep last night, i was vividly taken back to a time where i was around 8 or 9 years old.
i was riding my beloved pink schwinn bicycle down our street, it’s familiar details of the white rubber grips on the handlebars standing out in particular to me, instantly returning to the feel of those golden days of youthful bliss where there weren’t bills piled high on the table and the constant stresses of modern life.
in this dream-space vision, i pedaled with all of my might, and then as I began to sail freely at a decent speed, i pulled both feet off of the pedals, lifting them higher up into the center of the handlebars and soared!
feet off of the ground!
the beating of my wild heart in my chest, my tangled and wind blown hair whipping my chapped face in the cool Fall air- this represents a theme that has continued through both my past as and present day life, this pulling of my feet off of the ground and letting myself truly go! these memories live strong inside of me. both a past dot on my life’s timeline as well as powerful teacher, a foreshadowing of my life to come. these important life moments are simply taken to the bottom of the pile and forgotten as days are loaded up with new, more recent memories to take their place in the forefront of my mind.
But they are still there! They live on. they still have a voice that is crying out to be heard, to be revisited again. the feeling of that time in life rushes back to me which i love, but the story itself actually holds a symbolic meaning it simply could not at the time it was being lived out. it’s only in the here and now that i can view it, reconnect myself to it, and extract the marrow, filtering through what this is speaking to me now. it’s voice must be heard!
it will not be silenced. so much so that it will find a way through the chaotic whisperings and pulls for my attention. it will show up in dreams and visions, forging a way!
the word ‘untethered’ returns to mind again and again.
apparently here to serve as a reminder of the constant invitation to continue releasing the chains that encompass my feet, binding me to this earthbound plane.
i am made to soar! it is impossible to keep even one baby toe attached to the ground. we are either all in or not.
in order to soar, the continual release of emotional baggage that no longer serves me is a must. so is continually purging my home of unused items and striving to live a simple but lovely life. to release anger, resentment and hurt at a more rapid pace than the day before, so these demons who attempt to steal my joy be shot down before they can take up residence in my mind.
it is work.
it is not for the weak.
but i do i have to say, i believe it can be for the weak!
i used to think i was too weak to leave this ground, the only ‘safe’ thing i knew. little did i know what i was made of. in my weakness, i am being fortified daily, shown glimpses of the many aspects of who i becoming, who i am destined to be since the beginning of time. the moment i said yes, the training has begun and off i go, like that little girl on her beloved pink schwinn bicycle, learning to pull my feet from the ground, trusting that God will lead me to new and unimaginable heights.