“And then one day you realize that if you want to be rich, you’d have to give away almost everything you own.” ― Kamand Kojouri
there are two things i find particularly disturbing this past week.
the first one is how much stuff i have, even when i had pared down since we moved three months ago.
secondly, is how the things i own truly do begin to own me if i am not careful, even though i consider myself a fairly aware and conscious person.
i spent the last two saturdays rolling out of bed at 5am, messy hair and barely able to open my eyeballs, dragging a bunch of my belongings to the front of the driveway and arranging them in somewhat organized piles. then folks drove up as the sun peeked over the hills and bought up handfuls of my used things that no longer served a purpose in my life- bags of items for literal pennies compared to what i had purchased them at in their brand new condition years prior.
don’t get me wrong, i am a giant lover of all things flea market and yard sales. i am a sucker for a deal. in fact, when i add up the items around my home, most are things that have been repurposed, thrift shop items that have lasted me well through the years.
but when it’s MY own things walking out of the yard, i can’t help but think about the monetary value. i begin to wonder just how many hours of mental and physical labor went into the making of that money that was able to purchase that item. am i find myself slightly, if not even fully disgusted and sick to my stomach.
i am also one who loves to be surrounded by beautiful things. i just do. they make me feel good. they do not have to by any means be expensive things-just items and decor that i find personally uplifting, comforting or inspiring. and there is nothing wrong with this either.
sorting through this tangled mess of feelings i’ve been having, i had to ask myself what exactly was i feeling and why was i struggling over this?
then i had a conversation with my husband last night while driving.
we chatted about the cycle, this hamster wheel of life that we seem to want to jump off of at times, in attempts of finding the road less traveled. we work hard to buy things that we find fulfilling for either hours or minutes or even years, however it seems that most of this bliss finds it’s way to an end of sorts, while we feel with intensity this call to something deeper, more meaningful and purposeful.
a nudge in the direction toward the spiritual and soulful path. the lens shifting it’s focus from the background of the love of the material, to where the craft of truly living and connecting with oneself becomes the clearer focus, and the owning of things recedes into the fuzzy. still there of course, because it’s part of this human experience, but put in it’s better place.
when i have my head on straight and i am not running around like a maniac pulling strings and tying up ends of messy life and chasing the dollar, i remember and refocus.
it’s being mindful and intentional when i do bring new items into my home. it’s bargain shopping so i don’t have to spend more time for more things. it’s undoing the slavery to owning and storing things. if they are not used regularly then i am ditching them to the curb. it’s the commitment to gifting or donating one thing if i bring in another. careful watch over where my time and dollar go.
might not be able to completely exit this matrix, but i realize it is indeed possible to slow the wheel, that i can connect with my life and the surroundings that i pass by, where the blur of the background becomes clearer with each refocus.
i slow down.
i realize that all is truly well.