‘you try to escape the pain, yet God sees tender compassion for the other sufferers finding birth in your soul.’ – streams in the desert

sometimes i wonder, who around me might be finding birth in my soul? am i affecting anyone at all, encouraging new growth in their journey? sometimes the answer is yes, while at other times i feels like the opposite.

i’d love nothing more than to be a mid-wife of people’s soul pilgrimages.

nothing that light is shed upon in my own life if of my own doing. i have found birth in others’ souls along the way, so i am extending the olive branch out in order to be of service to those around me, floundering in the vast ocean of the rough and tumble.

not saying i have it all together, by any means.

those in my sphere of influence often observe me broken, weak, unkind and utterly confused about the journey. and it can be so terribly public. on the airwaves, at work, in my family- often seeing me like confused chicken with my head cut off. one day so sure of things, the next tossed about. encouraging natural healing modalities and remedies, yet often still experiencing personal chronic pain and brokenness. speaking love and peace, yet finding it challenging to love my neighbors. seen as a strong pillar of strength and grace one day, the next completely leveled and complaining of my life’s challenges to those around me, the very ones i desire to build up.

i strongly and insistently do believe that God is in these necessary opposites, to prove his very nature to me. to remind me that i am clearly unable to do even one small thing on my own strength.

so in my utter brokenness, who can find birthing rights in my journey yet still? even so, who’s soul needs my broken down weariness as a guidepost for their own journey?

my heart’s cry for this Friday morning:

oh great undoing!
often ruthless in your tactics
chopping away at the very
root of my soul.
how can i withstand?
when there seems no foundation,
these giant trees crash down
their uprooting a sight to behold.
can it be true,
that often times of the uprooting process
quite possibly is not what it seems?
that possibly in stead
what feels like the leveling of the very root system within me
isn’t in fact what is true?
what is the truth
is that the chains that wind around the root,
keeping it small and constricted,
keeping it from growing into it’s destiny,
are the only pieces being whittled away?
yet, even so, it feels like pieces of us,
as we have invited these chains
a welcomed visitor.
set them up cozy in our guest room
in the inner domain
offering it the best of our first fruits,
which it squanders time after time
without a word of thanks
or a freedom offering in return!
break away chains!
stay strong roots!
you are in the process of becoming free
be it painful at times
this is the reality
of the great undoing.
the process of getting free!
sweetest release!
my soul cannot fathom
this newfound freedom
oh where it will fly to
and how light it will become!
it’s as a feather lifted by the wind
rising to unimaginable heights
shrieking with sheer, unadulterated joy
to be free of the heavy concrete blocks
that have held it captive for
oh great undoing!
although harsh,
also be gentle i plead,
that i may not miss the chance to let others
find birth in my soul.

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